LA MAMI'
She's been gone from this earthly plane two years and nine months, tomorrow; Mother's Day. She left this world on infinity day 08/08/2008
She was so beautiful and full of grace. Holy Mary, mother of Connie, pray for this sinner! Maria de Jesus, my grandmother named her; Mary of Jesus, too bad she let herself be just a 'Susie'. Very few women on the mater side of our family liked their 'real' names; Susie, Connie, Bobbie, Anna, Lettie. A waste of baptisms, and confirmations. Luckily most of us never had the nerve to tatoo ourselves, (that I know of) so maybe - just maybe, the Lord will still recognize us at the gate. Those of us who get the pass. She deserved to be more confident; she deserved to live without her fear of stepping out of her imagined boundaries!
The beauty of her high cheek bones, a gentle widows peak, and fine porcelain skin; as well as her sexy and finely proportioned figure was only enhanced by Susie's dark flashing eyes. Eyes that could inspire men to become something other than just men. My father became her tormentor and possessor. Treating her like a queen when apart and battering her like a slave when they were together, and finally leaving us for his 'prized son' by his adulteress carhop, when I was five. He didn't so much as love her as he wanted a son.
Other men claimed they wanted to take her away and show her the world. One wanted to give her the finest things in life, and tried desperately, but his jealousy ate away at him and eventually goaded him to kill himself.
The last one used her and let her use him, in fierce co-dependence. Maybe that's why he died one day short of exactly one year after she died. She took his purpose with her.
There are no sweet flowery memories or regrets here. She would never allow them. She disdained professed love and would only be satisfied with pounds of flesh, blood, sweat and tears. Neither of us would have ever won awards or accolades for our mothering skills as far apart in opposition as our skills were. I offer prayer for her soul, it's the least I can do without letting her think I am insincere.
